Geneen Roth’s Lost and Found-Not Enough

This Should Be Enough

One of the truths about money is we make it up, literally. We print paper with different numbers on it and those numbers equal other pieces of paper with numbers on it.

In one workshop Roth had students give or accept money from each other. The very thought of doing that made my hands clench. I could not see myself giving my money to anyone. Would I ever have enough to give away?

We infuse money with ideas and beliefs. We don’t see our money as a symbol of the time spent earning it. We want our money to proliferate even if we don’t understand how investments work or the methodology clashes with our beliefs. The “bottom line” is how much we earned, not how we earned it.

But it’s only money. It’s only food.

I have money in several accounts and it is not enough. I have plenty of food in the refrigerator, freezer and pantry but I am going to buy more.

In conclusion, it is very, very hard to change habits that make up our identity. It is hard to take the action change requires. Given the difficulty why should we try?

Because, to quote Roth, “… the deeper cost is that by not examining the beliefs that hold our identity together, we are not taking our place inside ourselves or in the world; if we are keeping ourselves overweight to avoid being envied or spending money in ways that are unconscious and do not match what we truly value, we pay in pounds of our souls.”1
Whether you have problems with money, food or both this book is worth reading

Roth, Geneen. Lost And Found:: Unexpected Revelations About Food and Money Penguin Books 2011 (page 196)

Which one are you?

Geneen Roth Lost and Found- Save Me-Part 3

It's So Easy!

Do you think you’re just one IPO away from being rich? Is your partner going to earn so much you won’t have to think about money? Is it a matter of who is going to save you rather than what you are going to save?

Roth maintains that being saved is the equivalent of [ "staying small and willfully blind"[1] Furthermore, you must believe that you deserved to be saved because you are special, not like everybody else.

For example, because her father was her hero she believed she would receive part of his three million dollar estate. She believed, despite previous contradictions, she was special to him. She was sure her father would eventually acknowledge her uniqueness with hundreds of thousands of dollars. Yes, she noticed his dishonesty but her specialness would insure his love and generosity.

She received nothing when her father died. Ouch!

I felt special when I got a credit card. It signified being a “real” adult in the world. The more I used credit the more credit I got. Because I could easily afford the minimum payments I did not impose any limits on my spending, rather my charging. I was special and my credit cards proved it.

Eventually, despite an above average salary, most of my income was going to credit card payments. I did not have money to call my own. I was embarrassed and ashamed, alternating between bravado and despair. Instead of feeling special I felt duped and feared not being able to make the minimum payments.

Roth posits there’s nothing special about wanting to be special. The damage is in the belief that something outside of ourselves will do it for us.

It’s a lesson I am faced with over and over again.

Geneen Roth’s Lost and Found-Dieting and Bingeing/Saving and Splurging

Enough?

Geneen Roth realized that money, like food, was something she wasn’t supposed to have (hide the food), spend (don’t eat in front of others) or earn much of (I shouldn’t have anymore.)

Money and food/worth and nourishment. When you think of them do you feel deprived, entitled, pleasure or suffering? Have you ever had enough of both?  Can you ever have enough of both?

Telling yourself you can’t eat what you want translates that you can’t have what you want. You can’t be trusted. You’ll be out of control. You will die. When you believe you can’t have what you want there is never enough.

Roth describes two groups:  Restrictors and Permitters. One group controls by denying themselves while the other numbs themselves by overeating and overspending. Once again challenging your thoughts and testing a new reality is a solution if you are willing to live with the feelings that trigger compulsive behavior

She (Roth) recounts how her reckless buying is reminiscent of good times spent with her mother. Another woman says buying pretty things gives her a sense of control.  Whenever the urge to spend comes up it feels imperative we give in rather than feel the shame, anger, terror or whatever emotion prompts the spree. We tell ourselves we will start anew tomorrow but we must have this NOW!  

If overeating or starving, spending or saving doesn’t satisfy us how do we become comfortable with ourselves?  Most of us want to live comfortably in our bodies, love ourselves and be loved. We want to belong.  If what we have been doing doesn’t work perhaps it’s time to give Roth’s method serious consideration.

Geneen Roth’s Lost and Found

Money!, a photo by Tracy O on Flickr.

Options for Fat People

Geneen Roth has helped many people free themselves from food addiction. Reading Lost and Found may do the same with financial problems.

            After saving for thirty years, she lost one million dollars thanks to Bernie Madoff. It forced her to “wake up” and pay attention to her relationship with money.

Her experience and recovery speak to many, especially food addicts and money drunks.

            After partnering with a friend I eliminated over $8,000.00 of credit card debt. I lost thirty pounds along the way and have many pounds to go. When I became debt free that I realized the true cost of spent dollars not yet earned.

          While reading this book I must ask myself hard questions. If money weren’t a consideration and I lost the fill in the blank pounds, what do I value? What do I really want? Really?

 I will share more about the book and myself in the coming weeks.

Squirrel Meets Chipmunk by David Sedaris

David Sedaris’s latest book Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk is reminiscent of Aesop’s Fables without the moral ending.

In this collection of short stories animals are the characters with very human characteristics.

A cat goes to the hairdresser, a baboon.  The baboon has to constantly be on guard to ensure receiving a tip.  When a stork goes to her sister for help explaining sex to her baby there’s no accounting for why one sister believes babies are a result of sex while the other believes babies come from magic mice.

The stories are amusing and the book is easy to pick up and put down.

If you’re a Sedaris fan be forewarned, this is a departure from his usual style.  If you’ve never read him be sure to check previous works like Me Talk Pretty Some Day

David Sedaris’s will be touring the nation starting today in Philadelphia. His keen humor coupled with piercing social observations makes for a fun yet provocative evening.

Limitless

Limitless starring Bradley Cooper is about a man who goes from failure to multi-millionaire.

The movie opens with Eddie Morra, played by Bradley Cooper, a well-dressed, good-looking man standing on a balcony ledge about to jump. Men are pounding on the door but Eddie tells us he’d rather die quickly than have them kill him slowly. Why does anyone want Eddie dead?

Not too long ago Eddie, a disheveled mess of a man, was walking aimlessly around New York City. He had just been dumped by his girlfriend Lindy (Abbie Cornish) who is tired of paying the bills while Eddie wrestles with writers block. He bumps into his ex-brother-in-law and drug dealer, Vernon (Johnny Whitworth) who offers to buy him a drink. It’s not long before Vernon offers Eddie NZT, a pill which might get Eddie on track.

Suddenly Eddie is organized, clear-headed, steady and focused. He cleans up his apartment, himself and writes the book. Next on the agenda, get more NZT.

Vernon is happy to oblige if Eddie doesn’t mind running some errands first. By the time Eddie returns, the apartment has been ransacked and Vernon murdered. The NZT is all Eddie’s now.

There are some nasty side effects like not being able to account for eighteen hours. That’s easy to overlook after earning two million dollars in ten days.

Enter Carl Van Loon (Robert De Niro), a wealthy businessman who wants Eddie to help with a merger. Van Loon is a more legitimate thug than the many others who are after Eddie.

This is a fun movie to watch. When the NZT takes effect we see several Eddie’s cleaning the apartment. While typing, words seem to fall from the ceiling. Sometimes you feel like you’re looking in a mirror into another mirror into another mirror. The camera will suddenly flip the scene upside down or funnel you through the lens.

New York City adds an unmistakable vibrancy and character to the action. There probably aren’t many cities, thankfully, where a woman can be chased through Central Park and no one takes notice.

Bradley Cooper spoke of his admiration for Robert De Niro on Inside the Actor’s Studio. The respect the two actors have for each other comes through onscreen.

Limitless is solid entertainment, well worth the price of admission. In the end, living with our natural limitations may not be so bad after all.

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